The hormones have whipped into a frenzy–making me nervous, prone to cleaning, and I haven’t slept in a few days…Thank you leg cramps that wake me up at 3am and often have me pacing the house…or might it be the awful heart burn and acid reflux that made me kneel before the porcelain gods last night and offer forth my dinner?
With so much going on inside of my body–the stuff on the outside seems overwhelming and exhausting. I am trying my best to keep up with a very busy boy this weekend and frustrated that I cannot carry him very much or sit on the floor to read stories. Belly is in the way of just about EVERYTHING. I also find that my attention span stinks and I drift off every few seconds with such earth shattering thoughts as–Did I pack socks for the hospital?? My swiss cheese memory does not provide the answer and it is back to the little blue suitcase for confirmation.
I keep feeling this wild fight or flight response in these last few days–the desire to move out of my body and into some place calm where I can lie down comfortably or complete a sentence without stumbling. It’s like I’m inside a computer screen with my “to-do” list scrolling down the monitor…OVERLOAD. Poor Jeremy–there is probably nothing more that he would enjoy than moving out for a week as well. He is completely baffled…as in “Who are you and what have the aliens done with my wife? Where is DINNER?”
Even worse…is the realization that I am aware of how odd this time is and seem powerless to stop the hormone filled mood swings and constant Kooky behavior.
I screamed at my new cell phone last night when it didn’t work properly. I endlessly polished the side door of my car after noticing water spots left over from this morning’s trip to the car wash (SOOOO not me) and I bemoan the fact that I cannot lift heavier furniture for a good vacuuming (even though the maid was here on Monday). I can lose 30 minutes of time agonizing over whether or not the yard will die if I am not able to water it and think the dog resents me for having a baby. She just has that look!
Wow. Adoption nesting was much more pleasant. I am ready for this little one to vacate the premises and to be myself again.